I try so hard to get into the world that belongs to you... As you ask me last night why do i treat you in a so bad manners and lost my temper... but i couldnt answer u as i actually doesnt really know what my heArt thinking and feeling... Maybe you are right, u gave me the hints that i am thinking i still couldnt accept your life and your job.. U said u already came into my life and accept everything of me... and now we are married, i shouldnt lost my temper on you... but i just cant control myself.. Im so sorry to just keep quiet and keep blogging as i doesnt know who should i approach to especially... i doenst know how to express my feeling to you..as when i tell u my feling, mayb we end up in a quarrel or mayb...........? (upset)
U let me knew that since we are married u start ""that"" thing. I blame myself whether am i the one who gave u a lot of burden untill u need that kind of thing? If ya, then what should i do?? And why u keep lying on me untill i discovered myself? Last night u told me i should be prepared to face all this as i knew u are coming to this "world" (p/mun). If so, then can i answer he should also be prepare as your wife is not a loyal wife as last time i betrayed u once~and that time u choosed me back but also let me feel back the same feeling as u purposely show me u have an affair with other gal. Then why u want me back? to revenge? i understand u really love me and wanted to test on me how do i treat u, am i right?? I duwana mention the past but i jus cant stop thinking all those thing.. after married, i already forgot all the past, but the depressed feeling came back to my life. I had nightmare almost everynight.. i doesnt really know what i am thinking, or mayb some matter that is not bout you...
If one day u could read this blog, and i really hope the end is you choose the right path and a bright future for me and baby~ and remember, you have a choice, so why do you wanna get so trouble doing illegal thing, passing those "dirty" life? Waiting for the day!!! expiry : SOON !!
Hope u understand!!!!!!
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
22/9/2009 11.56pm
Why do i got so restless this few days? Why now i keep on crying non-stop? i am too emotional? emotional problem? or i am a "TOO MUCH" thinker? Just now he told me he is going out to enjoy as his boss birthday. Why am i so depressed after he told me tat? I did not trust him? No... then?? Why do i get cry so easily? I hate myself for being so annoying sometime.. 是不是我的要求太高了？要求的太过分了？？ isit for something that i cant get it also i dont allow he got it?? Am i tooo selfish? mayb this is my characteristic lor... How can i be more open minded and not to think so much? Really tension and stressfull... As baby is coming soon, there are more problem that we are goinng to face.. Haigh.. Why cant he understand me? Or mayb i dun understand him la.. Till now, i still cant accept anything ???? I couldnt give a true answer to myself la... Hope everything is fine la...
Why do i got so restless this few days? Why now i keep on crying non-stop? i am too emotional? emotional problem? or i am a "TOO MUCH" thinker? Just now he told me he is going out to enjoy as his boss birthday. Why am i so depressed after he told me tat? I did not trust him? No... then?? Why do i get cry so easily? I hate myself for being so annoying sometime.. 是不是我的要求太高了？要求的太过分了？？ isit for something that i cant get it also i dont allow he got it?? Am i tooo selfish? mayb this is my characteristic lor... How can i be more open minded and not to think so much? Really tension and stressfull... As baby is coming soon, there are more problem that we are goinng to face.. Haigh.. Why cant he understand me? Or mayb i dun understand him la.. Till now, i still cant accept anything ???? I couldnt give a true answer to myself la... Hope everything is fine la...
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Road ---> Direction ----> Future -----> ????
1st Sept 2009 12.34am
Why do i so upset ? Why do i so desperate? Why do i think so much as we doesnt really know how our future will be? Why do i choose the road that is so tough to go thru?? If i hadn't quit the bank job, i wont be thinking so much, mayb i regret i quit the job so eargerly? Why don't i listen to the elder's advise? Living without income is simply tough for me!!!! Maybe because of i am pregnant now so cant get a job, but i make a promise to myself, i wont jus stay at home like that and take care of a child from now till i grow old... i admit i like children alot, but i couldnt just waste my life taking care if baby like that.. I must have my own careeer. I just cant depends on someone or family. By now, i do really understand what should come first, but maybe is too late. However, i wont just let my life go on like that. If i would have own career, i am sure i wouldnt be so tension now.
Do i feel regret on the path that i had choosen now?? I cant really answer myself. All i want is jus a normal and happy life and family..,without risk and worriness.
Why at the end what i get is im always worry, upset and desperate? Maybe my words is too harsh to him thru this passage, i am sorry but is a just the most easier way for me to express my feeling.
XXXXXX, if u do love a person, i think all you should do is show him/her your care, your love, let him feel safety and comfortable being along with you, and NOT those worries and heart feeling on him/her, right??
Yup, absolutely CORRECT, i started to understand, we shouldnt be so selfish as we already owned something that is called "FAMILY". You should take good care of it, and not just to go the way you like it, without caring your family members's feeling.
I understand i should understand your thinking and your needs.!!!!
Why do i so upset ? Why do i so desperate? Why do i think so much as we doesnt really know how our future will be? Why do i choose the road that is so tough to go thru?? If i hadn't quit the bank job, i wont be thinking so much, mayb i regret i quit the job so eargerly? Why don't i listen to the elder's advise? Living without income is simply tough for me!!!! Maybe because of i am pregnant now so cant get a job, but i make a promise to myself, i wont jus stay at home like that and take care of a child from now till i grow old... i admit i like children alot, but i couldnt just waste my life taking care if baby like that.. I must have my own careeer. I just cant depends on someone or family. By now, i do really understand what should come first, but maybe is too late. However, i wont just let my life go on like that. If i would have own career, i am sure i wouldnt be so tension now.
Do i feel regret on the path that i had choosen now?? I cant really answer myself. All i want is jus a normal and happy life and family..,without risk and worriness.
Why at the end what i get is im always worry, upset and desperate? Maybe my words is too harsh to him thru this passage, i am sorry but is a just the most easier way for me to express my feeling.
XXXXXX, if u do love a person, i think all you should do is show him/her your care, your love, let him feel safety and comfortable being along with you, and NOT those worries and heart feeling on him/her, right??
Yup, absolutely CORRECT, i started to understand, we shouldnt be so selfish as we already owned something that is called "FAMILY". You should take good care of it, and not just to go the way you like it, without caring your family members's feeling.
I understand i should understand your thinking and your needs.!!!!
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Its been six months having this little baby in my tummy..
Feel myself fat fat round round dy... so funny!!
Cant wait to deliver this baby to this world.. Hope that she or he is healthy and fine... My naughty baby doesnt wanna let me know whether he/she is a boy/girl.. naughty baby~
Do i look fat actually?
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Saturday, July 18, 2009
In My Heart You Are Zero~!!!
“ In my heart you are zero “’
What’s the meaning of in my heart you are zero??
Being a lover of someone… your partner told you that in her/his heart you are zero, what that this sentence really mean? I doesn’t really understand bout that but there’s lot of explanation in my mind. Is that mean you are already nothing to him, or you lost everything to him?? Or you are not important to him already?
“ Our relation wont last long if you still continue like that” & “In my heart you are zero” This two sentence which do you think more hurt their relation.? She asked me bout that..
But I really doesn’t know how to answer her.
That girl is married to his husband and they are going to live in a totally different lifestyle comparing before they marry. In this world, there’s two kind of job, that is working very hard to get business, work with their boss to earn money, living with salary,EPF and SOCSO and another one is you earn money without need to pay EPF and SOCSO, easy job and earning fast money, but this take a big risk in living. Risking from government people, risking from other same industry people. And this kind of job need a lot of entertaining with other boss or maybe government people. Those who working in this job will enjoy the night life living. Night life?? Not everyone will understand what is that but this is the fact.They enjoy this kind of life.
Is this job really give them a big future? To be a millionaire? If so, then why Lim Goh Tong if not from this industry?? The one who is in this industry for more than 20yrs or maybe 30yrs living with luxurious life? Big bunglow? Expensive car? Branded accessories?
A lot of maid in their house? NO… NO… NO…. There’s no one in such life.There’s no one example that I have seen. In my mind I always think “Black is forever Black” “you wont get to fight with the White”
At the end those black also try to turn back themselves to white, to illegal business.
Don’t you think so? If so then why wasting your time to get black and at the end you also need to turn back to white? Or can you live the whole life in black? If so, then nothing I can say.
But as I am talking at lot of shit thing no one will understand,this also depends on themselves to see this matter. Someone like the life working in short and flexible hour.
Then got enough $ to enjoy themselves in night life.
That girl asked me “Entertaining people need to take ecstasy pill?” “Just alcohol is not enough?” I doesn’t really know how to answer. By right the girl is right but in his husband heart, this girl doesn’t understand him. And said that this is not a big wrong.
Now taking pill is not a big wrong la. In future play with women in those dirty place also is not a wrong thing la,is just entertaining right?
Drugs really bring a lot of problem in life. They will make you unconscious, make you do wrong decision. The girl admitted to me, last time also because of drugs nearly end up this relationship. But knot back also a lot of problem because many things happen before.
Anything that the man have done wrong,he will mention back the past. The past is a “forever scar” in their life. Anything that might happen in future will also related to the past. I am so sure of this.
He told this girl, after born out the first baby, then only find argue with him, that means you can probably think now he is just look important to the baby, he asked his wife do not hurt his family? What do you think this lady can do to his family? Kill all his family member? Find people to ruin his dad business? Disturb his siblings? I cant think of anything a women can do to hurt his husband’s family.
At the end of the argument, the lady apologize to his husband as she shouldn’t said the word “our relation wont last long if you still like that” …. But his husband just reply “think properly before you said something”. But do you realize there’s more hurting sentences and words that the man had gave to his wife. Did he need to apologize too?
The girl knew that he wont get this simply word “Sorry” in this matter as her husband think he got no wrong. Eventhough is just a simply word but this really give a big different to this little lady. She wont go and ask for it and just hoping one day his husband will understand what she really need.
His husband said his wife not supportive to his living now, not support to his choice of this job, cant accept this kind of living, can’t understand what he need, can’t tolerate with him? Is this real?His wife really doesn’t like this job? Or just the word “TRUST” ruin everything? If there is trust between this girl and his husband, then everything will be fine.
What’s the meaning of in my heart you are zero??
Being a lover of someone… your partner told you that in her/his heart you are zero, what that this sentence really mean? I doesn’t really understand bout that but there’s lot of explanation in my mind. Is that mean you are already nothing to him, or you lost everything to him?? Or you are not important to him already?
“ Our relation wont last long if you still continue like that” & “In my heart you are zero” This two sentence which do you think more hurt their relation.? She asked me bout that..
But I really doesn’t know how to answer her.
That girl is married to his husband and they are going to live in a totally different lifestyle comparing before they marry. In this world, there’s two kind of job, that is working very hard to get business, work with their boss to earn money, living with salary,EPF and SOCSO and another one is you earn money without need to pay EPF and SOCSO, easy job and earning fast money, but this take a big risk in living. Risking from government people, risking from other same industry people. And this kind of job need a lot of entertaining with other boss or maybe government people. Those who working in this job will enjoy the night life living. Night life?? Not everyone will understand what is that but this is the fact.They enjoy this kind of life.
Is this job really give them a big future? To be a millionaire? If so, then why Lim Goh Tong if not from this industry?? The one who is in this industry for more than 20yrs or maybe 30yrs living with luxurious life? Big bunglow? Expensive car? Branded accessories?
A lot of maid in their house? NO… NO… NO…. There’s no one in such life.There’s no one example that I have seen. In my mind I always think “Black is forever Black” “you wont get to fight with the White”
At the end those black also try to turn back themselves to white, to illegal business.
Don’t you think so? If so then why wasting your time to get black and at the end you also need to turn back to white? Or can you live the whole life in black? If so, then nothing I can say.
But as I am talking at lot of shit thing no one will understand,this also depends on themselves to see this matter. Someone like the life working in short and flexible hour.
Then got enough $ to enjoy themselves in night life.
That girl asked me “Entertaining people need to take ecstasy pill?” “Just alcohol is not enough?” I doesn’t really know how to answer. By right the girl is right but in his husband heart, this girl doesn’t understand him. And said that this is not a big wrong.
Now taking pill is not a big wrong la. In future play with women in those dirty place also is not a wrong thing la,is just entertaining right?
Drugs really bring a lot of problem in life. They will make you unconscious, make you do wrong decision. The girl admitted to me, last time also because of drugs nearly end up this relationship. But knot back also a lot of problem because many things happen before.
Anything that the man have done wrong,he will mention back the past. The past is a “forever scar” in their life. Anything that might happen in future will also related to the past. I am so sure of this.
He told this girl, after born out the first baby, then only find argue with him, that means you can probably think now he is just look important to the baby, he asked his wife do not hurt his family? What do you think this lady can do to his family? Kill all his family member? Find people to ruin his dad business? Disturb his siblings? I cant think of anything a women can do to hurt his husband’s family.
At the end of the argument, the lady apologize to his husband as she shouldn’t said the word “our relation wont last long if you still like that” …. But his husband just reply “think properly before you said something”. But do you realize there’s more hurting sentences and words that the man had gave to his wife. Did he need to apologize too?
The girl knew that he wont get this simply word “Sorry” in this matter as her husband think he got no wrong. Eventhough is just a simply word but this really give a big different to this little lady. She wont go and ask for it and just hoping one day his husband will understand what she really need.
His husband said his wife not supportive to his living now, not support to his choice of this job, cant accept this kind of living, can’t understand what he need, can’t tolerate with him? Is this real?His wife really doesn’t like this job? Or just the word “TRUST” ruin everything? If there is trust between this girl and his husband, then everything will be fine.
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